How Do I Make Myself Let Go of Her?

 I'm a 29-year-old guy with a sad story. Seven years ago I fell in love with a girl who was admittedly out of my league but who sought to be in a relationship with me anyway. She was the first person to give me hope that I could be somebody and have a good life.

 Then she left me abruptly for a younger guy—a film producer (followed by several other guys)—but promised that if she ever didn't have a serious boyfriend, she'd give me another chance.
I waited for her and changed my life based on what I thought she wanted. I changed jobs, got an advanced degree, moved closer to her apartment, went to the gym every night, and started wearing $2,500 blazers. I did all these things specifically for her, down to getting $80 haircuts.

Well, I got my wish. She broke up with her last boyfriend, and I took her to dinner. She confessed that her latest fling was the 18-year-old stoner next door. (Not exactly on par with what I thought she wanted.) And after two hours she said it was not going to happen between us.

I built my life on the hope she gave me! Isn't there some way I can prove my worth to her? I love her. But more than that, my confidence and my excitement about the future have been built on the promise of someday getting her. I take her refusal as a sign that even though I try my hardest, I'm nowhere near deserving of happiness. I feel like the biggest failure in the world. Can I salvage this? —Knocked Out of the Ring



This letter is from the E. Jean archive.